the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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