The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
