At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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