Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
