I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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