Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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