Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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