We're facebook friends in real life
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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