shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
