According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
