I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
