i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
