It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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