Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
