i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
