Moan for me like Helen Keller
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
