Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
