I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
try to milk me bitch
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