just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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