i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
