Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
