so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
