sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize