Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
porn star boner night. come get it.
did i walk over a car last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize