I got chris browned last night
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
