Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
