I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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