Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
