Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
