so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
