Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
