Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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