so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You are a genius and a whore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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