the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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