I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
