the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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