How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
