girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
