The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
