you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
