Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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