are you so shy because you have an std?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
