Pants 0. Shit 1.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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