Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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