im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize