Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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