New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize