My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
