Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
