Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
