I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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