I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
