guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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