I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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