Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
