i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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