Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
