Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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