There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
