everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
