I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
