i don't like sucking hair
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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