Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
