I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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