I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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