So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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