I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
