this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
