I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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