1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
