the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
