Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
